The One Thing You’re Missing That Makes a Healthy Relationship Impossible, Jackie Bledsoe, Jr.

Sometimes we shoot ourselves, or our relationships, in the foot by our own action or inaction. There’s something called a relationship killer (or at best, prevents your relationship from being all it can be.) The bad part about it is although most of us do it, we don’t realize we do, or how much damage it does to our relationship.

An article in shares a quote that emphasizes the importance of this, or what happens when something isn’t present in your relationship.  “It isn’t always easy, it’s an integral part of everyone’s lives; without it, it’s nearly impossible to live a productive, happy life. And without it in a relationship, it’s nearly impossible to have a healthy, growing partnership.“


That’s a harsh warning. When this particular thing is missing from your relationship it becomes impossible to have the relationship you hope for.

So, what is this one thing?

It’s not love, it’s not respect, and it’s not even money. It is forgiveness, and it has a major impact on your relationship. Love, respect, patience, and maybe even resources (money) play a part in your relationship, but a lack of forgiveness can completely break down the relationship.

Every one of us makes mistakes, and everyone of us will eventually do something which hurts, offends, or even disrespects our significant other. The way you keep moving forward and allowing  your relationship to grow is through forgiveness. Here are three things to keep in mind when you need to forgive your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend.

1) You are flawed and make mistakes too. This is the first thing I think of. I make a lot of mistakes. I say and do a bunch of dumb stuff, yet my wife still loves me and respects me. When she does something, it makes it a little easier to forgive her knowing all the forgiveness I’ve been afforded.

2) You hurt yourself when you hold onto things. I read the following quote from Maya Angelou, which sums it up. “Bitterness is like cancer. It eats up the host.” Basically, the longer you hold on and don’t forgive, the more you hurt yourself.

3) It can help calm the situation. We refer to a specific Bible verse when one of our kids gets angry because one of their siblings did something to them. The verse says, “a kind word turns away wrath.”  We encourage both the person who feels wrong and retaliates as well as the person who did the wrong and is now being yelled at to use kind words. Forgiveness works the same way, as it can calm a situation.

Forgiveness should be a priority and practice in your relationship. Until you forgive,  your relationship will become stagnant and it will be impossible to have the growing, healthy relationship you desire.

What are some other ways you can be quick to forgive in your relationship?



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