You’ve heard of words like: manipulative, cynical, explosive, self-pitying, helpless, hostile, preachy, sarcastic, and condescending.
All of those words are they way we describe people we don’t like, or how we describe types of communication.
PASSIVE communication self-pitying, self-punishing, inhibited, self-denying, retreating, unresponsive, helpless, and withdrawn, We describe these people as crying, apologetic doormats who have poor eye contact, and who give up like martyrs. These people typically defer to someone else, setting aside their own thoughts and feelings.
AGGRESSIVE communication pushy, rude, bossy, hostile, preachy, contemptuous, and mean. We describe these people as dominating, overbearing, thoughtless, inconsiderate bullies who invade, belittle, and threaten others. These folks only want the communication to go one-way.
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE communication resentful, bitter, malicious, indignant, phony, indirect, cynical, and two-faced. These individuals are manipulative, gossipy, devious, bullies who speak with double messages. They hide their intentions and mislead others in order to have control.
ASSERTIVE communication real, honest, well-bodied, appropriate, open, confident, and expressive. Assertive people openly express thoughts and feelings. They are able to flexibly explore and create alternatives. These folks understand the importance of personal rights withing all of their relationships.
So what kind of communicator are you? Here are some good resources to help you:
People Skills, by Robert Bolton
Talk Like a Winner, by Steve Nakamoto
Messages, by Matthew McKay, PhD
The Communication Skills Workbook, by John J. Liptak
Self-Mastery, by Michael Winer
Communication Miracles for Couples, by Jonathan Robinson